YUgioh Gx 2: second time around

Kyo asahina


Cronos


alexis rhodes



The Story begins with kyo Asahina, a soon to be student of duel academy..he wanted to be just like the best duelist at the duel academy, none other than Jaden Yuki, Some rumors spread secretly that Jaden’s winged kuriboh was wandering around the academy to serve as an eye for jaden yuki to make sure the academy was safe.


The entrance exams. Professor Cronos intorduced himself to the examinees.”as we all know that the academy has achieved many things through the process of dueling….every year!!” he partly said. Then he looked at Chancellor Shepard, continously saying,”every year!..we search for the best duelists among the students of this academy…from Slifer to Ra (cronos looked at Professor Mizawa) , From Ra to Obelisks (then he looked at Professor Rhodes)…and I am Professor cronos by the way, and I have a Phd in dueling! Hope you all grow just like me!!. Boastfully he introduced.
Then The professor passed the event paper to the chancellor, “All students proceed to the lobby to view your schedules of entrance exams”.The chancellor then ended the opening event.

After kyo checked his schedule..he found out that their tester was the students from the academy!.The chancellor give all examinees twenty minutes to prepare, then Kyo wandered around the academy until he saw some stone seats..(The one which jaden and syrus usually hangs out) and checked out his deck…and told himself “with you guys, I’ll never lose!”
“The exam has begun!” cronos energetically announced, hoping that someone who is like Jaden Yuki will caught his attention. Duels begun everywhere, monsters summoned, Life Points Lowered…its just like a duel festival.

Kyo was the last one who will take the exam, although cronos is tired of watching every student pass and fail, his still waiting for someone has to be much more like Jaden Yuki.

The match has started. Kyo started to shiver but with confidence. The announcer asked both kyo and his tester on what Deck will they be using.”Gaia”/”Chimera” they simultaneously replied.
Cronos is like having a big question mark on his thoughts. “whats that deck again?”then he told himself that “any deck that a student will use will be his signature deck on this island of duel academy just like Jaden Yuki’s heroes, I’ll never forget them”.


“both duelists has four thousand life points and strictly no surrender are accepted” The announcer said.
Kyo has chosen to go first,” Draw! I summon Elemental hero Avian!” cronos was flattered and his eyes were shinning! “ and I set two facedowns and end my turn”.


“My turn!” Zak followed “draw!..since you have a monster on you field I summon this!-Cyber dragon! In ATK mode then I summon cyber phoenix and activate it’s effect, I chose cyber dragon to be protected from magic and trap effects,…now I attack with my cyber dragon! Trident blast!” kyo’s avian doesn’t stand a chance…destroyed and caused him damage to his LP (*kyo2900/ Zak4000)


but suddenly “your attack triggered a trap!-I use my Hero signal!-I special summon elemental hero stratus in ATK mode and I activate its effect…I’ll put 1 elemental hero monster to my hand cards”.


“I’m not done yet! I play –future fusion!- I send two machine monster from my hand and eight other machine monsters from my deck to the graveyard ”he excitingly shouted. ”turn end” he followed.
“my turn!-draw-I activate E-emergency call! And put elemental hero woodsman from my deck to my hand…I summon elemental hero woodsman and activate its effect.. I can add one polymerization from my deck to my hand”


Cronos stands from his seat, and wondering what kind of hero kyo Is using.”There is something with this kid” he said..”what are you saying professor cronos?” Alexis asked. . “ Ohh..nothing nothing..i’m saying that I’m just bored” he denied.


“I use polymerization to fuse my elemental hero clayman and elemental hero woodsman to form elemental hero gaia!”.he shouted out loud.
“Oh no! he can destroy my dragon by one hundred points of ATK!” zak was worried of his monster not his LP.. “not just that! My gaia can also absorb half of your monster’s ATK and add it to his own ATK.” kyo followed.
“with your dragons ATK lowered to 1050 I can destroy it easily and break through to your LP”


Kyo has elemental hero gaia wih 3250ATK and zak has crber dragon with 1050 ATK and they both have two monsters on their fields.
“elemental hero gaia! Attack cyber dragon ! earth Smash!” kyo declared attack.


“ughh!.”.zak flinched kyo’s attack.
“but I’m not done yet!” kyo added to his statement.
“elemental hero stratus attack cyber phoenix! Air glove!-cyber phoenix smashed! He gracefully shouted.


(*LP track kyo2900/ zak1200)


“when cyber phoenix is face up on my field and destroyed ,I can draw 1 card” he added.
Cronos has sit again and think off the possibilities.”This kid will surely win if he keeps on that kind of play..for sure! But the duel isn’t over yet” he followed.


Zak’s turn..the turn he awaits..
“my turn!-draw-!” he drawn overload fusion “now! Prepare to lose!”
Cronos stood from his seat again..”I thought kyohas gained control of the game! But zak was planning a One Turn Kill strategy!”
“I activate Overload fusion from my hand! And remove ten machine monsters from my grave from the gave-and summon! Chimeratech overdragon!”


“what are gonna do with that thing? He doesn’t have an ATK?”kyo asked.
“his original ATk will be the number of monsters used for fusion multiplied by 800!.” Zak shouted with all his hope on that card.
Cronos’ eyes were widen after he saw this OTK moment..
“but I’m not done yet! I equip megamorph! Since my LP is lower than yours, my chimera’s ATK is doubled!”he added.
“what the..” the only two words that came from kyo’s mouth.
“now watch me as I destroy you!-chimera attack elemental hero gaia! Trident blaze!” his chimera’s assaulted gaia and resulting damage and destruction.


“but kyo is still standing?! How could that be?”
Cronos curiously asked Alexis..
“did you hear about the saying that the card is faster than the eye?” alexis replied.


Kyo activated –whistle that calls kuriboh and add 1 kuriboh to his hands and discard it to make the damage 0.
“turn end”zak ended.
Kyo’s turn. “he can wipe my LP out in one turn.. I’ll just draw and see what happens-draw!”


“prepare to get vanquished!! “ kyo shouted out loud.
“how could this kid have confidence in such situation like this?!” cronos said.


Alexis’ eyes were beaming.”This kid made me remember of a duelist”.
“you talk big kid! Tell me how can you beat my chimera that has 16000 ATk points??” zak provoked


“just wait and see!” kyo excitingly said.
“I activate miracle fusion!”


“Go! Jaden!” she shouted..Alexis’ was too excited forgetting about that this is still an exam. And he is not jaden yuki.
“uhhmm…that’s not jaden alexis” cronos muttered.
“I exclude elemental hero clayman and elemental hero Avian from my grave to summon him again” kyo’s turn was full of hope.
“now I attack! Mega earth slam!”

“A dreadful decision ! my chimera has 16000 ATK points! How can you…..”
“just don’t forget about my gaia’s effect! I absorb half of your chimera’s ATK points!”


(*STATS review
gaia’s ATK 10200 chimera’s ATK 8000)


“BATTLE!”gaia’s final blow finished the match leaving cronos stunned on what he just saw.

"did you see that winged kuriboh? hope you're here " he muttered.

Alexis rushed to the field and congratulated kyo..
“congratulations kyo asahina! Welcome to the academy!”

_____________END TURN______________

hm...
P9: E- Hero Woodsman's eff can only be activated in Standby Phase, so the polymerization would never come but draw.
P18: hm...shouldnt yu state the name of the card tat allow u to add kuriboh from deck to hand ?

beside those, everything s good though XD

=> personal opinion 7/10

he called woodsman by e-call...then effect add 1 poly

whistle that calls kuriboh quickplay spell

Yeah, but he is saying that woodsman's effect only activates in the standbt phase. You would need to have him on the field for at least 1 turn.

..thought it was MP..LOL..BTW thats the stoRY goes hehehehehehehe xD even if i went wrong on the woodsman eff kyo still has king of the swamp to discard...xD

actually, pretty cool story! ^^

I have a hard time imagining how to create suspenseful writing when you're writing about a duel.

I suppose a good way to do it would be to have a lot of back and forths between the people dueling (like the anime) and focus more on things to come/things that have been (ala WWF commentary).

Uhhh, look my name's in there

Jk, jk. Anyways, not bad, is this your first Fan Fiction?
If yes, then it would be a 7/10, if no, 5.5/10, sorry o.o

1)You always forget to Caps a name or a card.

Example:

kyo Asahina

2)Many spelling mistakes.

Example:

crber dragon

3)Next time add some color to the names of people, card names etc, people don't like going through a wall of pure white text.

4)Separate the things that people says from other Sentences.

Example:

Wrong:“both duelists has four thousand life points and strictly no surrender are accepted” The announcer said.

Right:
Announcer: Both duelists has four thousand life points and strictly no surrender are accepted!

That looks better, doesn't it?

5) Try to caps every sentence you write, next to a ".", "!" or "?".

And i'm done. Follow those hints next time, and your Fan Fiction will be better ^^

Kyo Kusanagi wrote:

Right:
Announcer: Both duelists has four thousand life points and strictly no surrender are accepted!

That looks better, doesn't it?

No offense, Jack but that is garbage. It's merely a sign of weak writing. He's not writing a play.


Stick with the same style of writing but put more thought into what you are writing.

The best way I can explain this is to imagine that you are there. Remember your five senses. What can you hear? What can you smell? What can you feel? What can you taste? What can you see? Typically, this way of thinking is used when writing in a first person narrative. Although you are not doing this you can still use the same basic principle.

I read a fantastic book about two years ago where the entire story was written in third person except the (somewhat frequent) dream sequences, which were in first person. I forget the name of it but I'll have a look through my library later tonight and post a few paragraphs so you can see what I mean.

It really helps to plan ahead. If you summarize your entire story arc you can easily see where you are going and what you have to focus on or perhaps drop. If it's not useful to the story then it probably isn't worth including.

Use adjectives wherever you can. When you get around to redrafting a piece you can decide which to keep and which to delete. Being overly descriptive is just as bad as not being descriptive at all (Tolkien).

Using subtle (yet incredibly effective) writing techniques such as personification, onomatopoeia, alliteration, juxtaposition and metaphors; you can string together a paragraph that will completely encapsulate the reader, transporting them to your world.


Don't do what Jack suggested and turn your entire story into nothing but speech and stage directions.


EDIT:

Make sure and put your work through MS word or something similar. Redrafts are always a good idea.

Oh, and try to get a proof reader.

Well, i suggested that because i found cool Ryan's writing format, but oh, well, let him do what he wants.

And yeah,

Quote :

Make sure and put your work through MS word or something similar. Redrafts are always a good idea.

its flute of summoning kuriboh/ whistle that calls kuriboh..xD

yeah its my first time...i have encountered problems thinking of this one...i mean..i never wrote a thing like this before..


//hhm....the crber dragon thing...hahaha never saw it really..when i wrote this..no scratch paper was used i directly typed it here..LOL..

and the color thing i dont really use them..i want it to be just like a novel..something like that..
ever read NEW MOON with a red color on BELLA's name?(*hehehe^^)

and the "announcer thing" he has a lousy personality...believe me..

sorry for the mistakes..


and BTW yes...Kyo Asahina's name ..i got it from kyo kusanagi and Mikuru Asahina


.hmm...maybe i'll be creating the episode 2?